You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
