Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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