Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
