I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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