We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
