My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
