when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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