I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
