i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
