I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
