i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
