I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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