ugly people sure do ruin things
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
