I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
