Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
