I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
