And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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