Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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