I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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