i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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