i permit you to call me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
