everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
