fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
