You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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