sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The air was thick with penises
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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