Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
