I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
