i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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