I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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