I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
