The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
