my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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