Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
