Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
