I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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