I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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