I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
