All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
