Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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