he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The beer is more important than you right now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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