btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
