This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
