I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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