My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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