Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
