My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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