Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
