Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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