I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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