so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
