Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
